No filter- on my thoughts, that is.

We're still here. Waiting. Most days are good, but some days we get punched in the gut. Today was one of those days. Before you read this, please know that Kenny just said, "Remember, everyone can read this," and I said, "I know." :) It's a roller-coaster, and tonight I'm at the bottom.

I woke up in a great mood, because we had a 2-hour delay due to fog. I decided to check my facebook page. I noticed that my supportive mother, we call her Moj, decided to share my link for the White House's declaration of November as National Adoption Month. So I clicked on her page to see if anyone else had anything to say about it. That's where I went wrong. Someone posted something I never thought I'd have to address when discussing adoption- a protest about tax money and abortion and Planned Parenthood. I immediately texted Moj and asked her to remove his comment. This person's anger was at the Presidential election, I assume, and dollars being spent to fund Planned Parenthood, etc., and I'm sure not directed at adoption, because it involves saving a child from a disadvantaged home or a situation the birthmom knows will not be best for her baby. My question was why? Why did this person who knows neither me nor Kenny feel it was acceptable to take our positivity in sharing information and turn it into an opportunity to spread his message? The answer is that he didn't know how far-reaching this adoption thing is, and he might not understand adoption from the perspective of hopeful adoptive parents. We get e mail forwards sent in jest and in thoughts of making us laugh, and we see shared pictures on facebook about people living off the government and not contributing to society. The senders and posters do not think about adoption when they hit 'share' or 'forward.' I wouldn't expect them to- they are meant to be funny, and sometimes they are.

Let me explain when I say adoption is far-reaching. We see people taking government assistance frequently here, just as many of you do. Recently though, we see it from a different eye than most. The difference is we now see those young girls who get assistance from the government, prenatal care at Planned Parenthood, and food at the food pantry as potential birthmothers. The girl in the check-out line buying smokes (Yes, sometimes they do still smoke while pregnant) and texting on her new cell phone could be a birthmom someday. She could be our birthmom. We have to stay positive or we will drown in the negativity. I can't be negative about parents who are terrible at their number one job- being a parent- because I can't feel that anger and sadness at work- their child will walk in and I will force myself to be one of the nice adults who helps them until they go home. Oh, and those kids get assistance, free health screenings, and some of them (as absolutely sad as it may be) might even get reproductive health screenings at Planned Parenthood. It is a cycle, and I understand why many people are frustrated with abuse of government assistance and the economy right now. But our future baby's mother might be one of those girls receiving aid. I'm not saying I don't have negative thoughts about parents I see who are making poor choices, because I do. I'm not asking anyone to stop forwarding or sharing his or her feelings on social media. But what I am asking is that they might take a minute to think that somewhere out there is a girl who will be unbelievably important to us one day soon. She might be smoking a cigarette and making an appointment with Planned Parenthood on her iphone while standing in line at the food pantry, but she will give us what we can't do on our own, and I am willing to look past her dependencies on the government and continue to be positive and hopeful. Call me a liberal, and maybe one day soon you'll be calling me a liberal mother. Couples going through adoption do not need to hear about what's wrong with poor people today; we need to hear that you just know someday maybe a poor, dependent-on-the-government-girl who got herself into something she's not ready for will choose us. Being hopeful and positive can go a long way.

To those of you who always ask how we are and share our posts with your friends, thank you very much. We had some hope over the summer of a match, but she hasn't contacted us in a while. It was hope though, and it was nice. If you want some business cards or more information about our agency to share in your towns, please let me know. Thank you for letting me vent through writing, and I hope if nothing else, reading my words above made you think for just one moment from the perspective of adoptive hopefuls.

Vielen Danke!

Some people gush on Facebook about how great their family and friends are, and I'll hit "like" and move on, thinking it's nice they can share their feelings like that publicly. Yesterday and this past weekend, I had one of those experiences where everyone came out of the woodwork to say or do kind things for Kenny and me. On Friday, I had a friend ask how the adoption process was going and if we were finished with everything. I told her we are just waiting around, and it could be a very long time before we hear anything from anyone. Instead of saying how exciting it must be for us, she said, "That sucks!" I was so thankful she said that, and I told her that. True, sometimes I think about how we could be called any minute by a prospective birth mother and our lives would change, but that thought only lasts a few seconds, because odds are it's going to be a while. But most of the time when I think about it, there is that feeling in the pit of my stomach that it does suck. There's an end in sight; we just don't know when it is. I guess that's better than nothing. It was so nice to hear a friend be honest and unfiltered.

Then on Saturday at the Mosey Down Main Street, some friends and I were standing around and up rolled a baby in a stroller. She was cute enough and her parents were ignoring her, which didn't bother me because I know they probably needed a break, but still she was a baby and needed some attention. My friends and I gave her some attention, and one friend must have seen a look on my face and said to me, "It'll happen for you guys." It was so unexpected, and I loved it, and it was a dude who said it, not a sensitive girlfriend of mine! A dude!

Yesterday, my sister-in-law texted me and asked if I'd ever watched "Birth Moms" on TLC. I hadn't, so I turned it on. It was such a good idea for her to let me know about it, and we texted each other throughout the show about what we saw and heard- and some of it was amazing! I have much to learn about how the other half of this equation might possibly live. I think we need to watch it some more; it can only help us be ready for the possible scenarios that might happen. It was nice of Missy to let me to know and to think the same way I was thinking. If you want to learn more about adoption from the birth mother's perspective, this show will open your eyes!

I saw a blog post yesterday where an adoptive mother shared a link to this company that shares the profits of fair trade and organic coffees with adoptive parents to help with their adoptions. The owners of this company are also adoptive parents and the whole experience changed their lives. Their story is very cool and inspiring. I went to the web site to check it out, and although we had some second thoughts about fund raising, this felt as if there was no pressure placed on any of our friends or family. It's coffee, and it's affordable, and if a small part of the cost goes to us everyone wins, because they'll have a nice buzz in the morning. I signed us up and created our storefront, and you all have already bought some coffee! I can't believe it! We are already thankful for those of you have supported us with your thoughts and words, but to see that some of you have already purchased coffee from our store is amazing! Dana Hershey, my teaching mentor and friend, shared our link on her Facebook page, and although it only took her a few seconds, it meant so much. Maybe someone she knows is a coffee fiend and might buy some...thank you, Dana! My mom has already bought some coffee, although she absolutely didn't have to because she helps us all time...thank you, Moj! People have "liked" our link, which means they are supportive of it! Thank you!

Kenny made some cool business cards for us, and when they get here, my sister Emily is going to go with me and stick them up on boards everywhere. Rural King, right next to the hunting dogs for sale, I think. Thanks in advance, Emily.

So we're feeling thankful for everyone and the support we're receiving. It is exciting to know that we will have a baby someday, but it's also exciting to know that our friends and family know us well enough to say and do little things that they probably think aren't a big deal. But they are.

In the mean time, if you need a coffee buzz and you can wait for delivery, please visit our storefront and the company's website. Feel free to pass on the link to those you know who would appreciate some quality java. Thanks for keeping up with us,
B and K

Just Love Coffee Storefront
https://justlovecoffee.com/
Our adoption profile page

Since we're in the waiting phase, I thought I'd update by sharing two blogs that I follow, focusing on open adoption. They are from both sides of the spectrum, one, an adoptive mom writing to her son about each day of his life, and the other, a birth mom who is completely forthcoming- which I love. I know that things aren't going to be easy or comfortable, so reading her blog helps me understand what I can't imagine.

Thanks to those of you who ask Kenny and me so often how things are going or what's new with the adoption. I hope we can stay as positive and hopeful as we are right now. Many of you make it a point to ask us, and although sometimes I want to run away from that question, it means the world to both of us that friends and family remember that we deal with this daily, and take time out to acknowledge it. We recently met another couple in Lafayette who are adopting through IAC, and it was great to speak without a filter over some pints and tasty food. We had so many of the same thoughts and did not feel one bit guilty speaking them out loud. They have been waiting much longer than we have, yet they are still lively with talk of the future.

If you have time, take a peek at these blogs to get a picture of how an open adoption could work for us someday, although I think each one is unique.

The Thompson Baby
Chronicles of Munchkin Land

Hurry up and wait

It's been a while since we've posted anything about the adoption process, and there's good news. We are almost finished with the work of getting out there and being approved to go forward. Our home study was approved, our Dear Birth Mother letter is close to being approved, and our website is ready to go except for some pictures we need to add. Everything is coming together nicely, and now I need to brainstorm ways to network within our circles and outside of them. (Kenny has done all the design work for letter and websites, so my job is to network!) The agency we are working with does plenty of outreach for us, but it can't hurt for us to make our presence known around town. We'll make business cards to pin up around Purdue, and I'll have to make some phone calls to hospitals and OBGYN's to see if they are open to keeping our information on hand in case they come across a girl who is scared and wants to know her options. We will have what look like press kits ready to go, with our Dear Birth mother letter, a cover letter, and a brochure from the agency explaining what open adoption is and how the potential birth mother can contact our counselor. During the networking process, I will be open to any of your suggestions and would be extremely grateful if any of you would like a "press kit" to disperse or have more ideas of places to take them. I am thinking about the high schools around here, and I will send one to our high school in Monticello, but I think it could be potentially more awkward if a former student were to consider placing with us. I'm sure if it happened I'd change my mind, but for now, it's weird. Here are some places I'm imagining taking some cards or making phones calls to:
social workers at local hospitals
counselors or residence assistants at dorms of Purdue
Planned Parenthood, although our agency networks with them already
Crisis pregnancy centers- I think there are a couple around here
bars (this is a joke right now, but I bet I'll change my mind later!)
high school counselors
Ivy Tech
churches

Now is where we need your help. I worry about random phone calls to our 1-800 number in the middle of the night from girls who aren't pregnant, although we send them directly to the agency and they weed out anyone who is part of a scam. So some of the above choices make me nervous. Can any of you suggest network options, or do you know or work for anyone who could pass on our information? There is a chain-like e mail we were given, but I usually delete forwards the minute I see FWD at the top of the e mail. On the other hand, it could travel quickly and end up in the right hands. Please feel free to comment or send me a note if you have ideas or know of someone who knows a person who knows a person who knows a person...
Our hope is that the right birth mother is out there somewhere deciding to make a choice that's best for her baby, but I just can't imagine Kenny and I sitting around waiting for that to fall in our laps. The wait could be very long for us and I'm starting to get sad and anxious just thinking about it. We know lots of smart, creative, and thoughtful people, so I'm hoping you all are reading this!
Thanks for taking an interest in the process and keeping up with us.