We're still here. Waiting. Most days are good, but some days we get punched in the gut. Today was one of those days. Before you read this, please know that Kenny just said, "Remember, everyone can read this," and I said, "I know." :) It's a roller-coaster, and tonight I'm at the bottom.
I woke up in a great mood, because we had a 2-hour delay due to fog. I decided to check my facebook page. I noticed that my supportive mother, we call her Moj, decided to share my link for the White House's declaration of November as National Adoption Month. So I clicked on her page to see if anyone else had anything to say about it. That's where I went wrong. Someone posted something I never thought I'd have to address when discussing adoption- a protest about tax money and abortion and Planned Parenthood. I immediately texted Moj and asked her to remove his comment. This person's anger was at the Presidential election, I assume, and dollars being spent to fund Planned Parenthood, etc., and I'm sure not directed at adoption, because it involves saving a child from a disadvantaged home or a situation the birthmom knows will not be best for her baby. My question was why? Why did this person who knows neither me nor Kenny feel it was acceptable to take our positivity in sharing information and turn it into an opportunity to spread his message? The answer is that he didn't know how far-reaching this adoption thing is, and he might not understand adoption from the perspective of hopeful adoptive parents. We get e mail forwards sent in jest and in thoughts of making us laugh, and we see shared pictures on facebook about people living off the government and not contributing to society. The senders and posters do not think about adoption when they hit 'share' or 'forward.' I wouldn't expect them to- they are meant to be funny, and sometimes they are.
Let me explain when I say adoption is far-reaching. We see people taking government assistance frequently here, just as many of you do. Recently though, we see it from a different eye than most. The difference is we now see those young girls who get assistance from the government, prenatal care at Planned Parenthood, and food at the food pantry as potential birthmothers. The girl in the check-out line buying smokes (Yes, sometimes they do still smoke while pregnant) and texting on her new cell phone could be a birthmom someday. She could be our birthmom. We have to stay positive or we will drown in the negativity. I can't be negative about parents who are terrible at their number one job- being a parent- because I can't feel that anger and sadness at work- their child will walk in and I will force myself to be one of the nice adults who helps them until they go home. Oh, and those kids get assistance, free health screenings, and some of them (as absolutely sad as it may be) might even get reproductive health screenings at Planned Parenthood. It is a cycle, and I understand why many people are frustrated with abuse of government assistance and the economy right now. But our future baby's mother might be one of those girls receiving aid. I'm not saying I don't have negative thoughts about parents I see who are making poor choices, because I do. I'm not asking anyone to stop forwarding or sharing his or her feelings on social media. But what I am asking is that they might take a minute to think that somewhere out there is a girl who will be unbelievably important to us one day soon. She might be smoking a cigarette and making an appointment with Planned Parenthood on her iphone while standing in line at the food pantry, but she will give us what we can't do on our own, and I am willing to look past her dependencies on the government and continue to be positive and hopeful. Call me a liberal, and maybe one day soon you'll be calling me a liberal mother. Couples going through adoption do not need to hear about what's wrong with poor people today; we need to hear that you just know someday maybe a poor, dependent-on-the-government-girl who got herself into something she's not ready for will choose us. Being hopeful and positive can go a long way.
To those of you who always ask how we are and share our posts with your friends, thank you very much. We had some hope over the summer of a match, but she hasn't contacted us in a while. It was hope though, and it was nice. If you want some business cards or more information about our agency to share in your towns, please let me know. Thank you for letting me vent through writing, and I hope if nothing else, reading my words above made you think for just one moment from the perspective of adoptive hopefuls.