It's been a few weeks since our last update, but sure enough, we are moving right along.  About 99.9%  100% of our paperwork is done, and we should soon be ready for our home study.

Our good friend Dave Mason took some photos of us downtown one evening, and we're really happy with them. We need to pick one really good one that will be on the cover of our letter. One of our favorites is over there on the right.

Here is the text of our Dear Birthmother letter:

Dear Birthmother,

We are grateful and thankful for your courage and selflessness in considering an adoption plan for your baby, and want to help fulfill your desire to find a caring family for your child. Knowing you want your baby to be cared for and given every opportunity for a bright future, we will raise him or her in an open and loving home where you will always be welcome as an important part of our lives. We will honor you and your wishes, and we look forward to getting to know you. With friends who have welcomed children through adoption, we know we will love your baby from the moment we meet. We will raise him or her with hugs, kisses and fun, with the knowledge that your love made it possible.

About Us
We met as neighbors ten years ago and have truly loved and respected each other since that day. Married for six years, our appreciation for time spent together will carry over easily in the love and care for a child. When Kenny isn’t playing in his band or listening to music, he is doing outdoor activities and getting the house ready for a family. Becky enjoys reading, shopping, and making jewelry, but is most comfortable in the company of family and friends at home.

Becky’s job as a teacher enables her to have holidays and summers free to spend happily with a child. She also has some insight and experience in getting through the difficult adolescent years and helping him or her with late-night homework sessions. Kenny works for a family-friendly graphic design firm where he enjoys holidays and a flexible schedule to care for stuffy noses and forgotten homework or lunches. Although we work during the day, we will devote each evening and weekend to family activities and opportunities to share. We even have a babysitter-in-waiting who’s ecstatic about caring for a little one, not to mention grandparents who can’t wait to snuggle and read with their new grandbaby.

Our Home and Parenting
We live in a quiet, safe neighborhood where our child will ride a bike in the cul-de-sac, explore nature or play in the park, and walk the dog on the trail. Our fenced-in backyard is perfect for a game of kick ball or a swing set. Living in Lafayette, Indiana, we are close to Purdue University and Prophetstown State Park, where we can visit with farm animals and walk through the prairie. Our home is shared with Ranger the Lab and Fingers the cat, who already enjoy inquisitive children.  We can already picture a little one joining in on walks, reading books, and hiking trails around town, as well as many shopping trips.

Our travels take us only an hour away to the baby’s grandparents’ houses, both on and near lakes, so summers will be spent swimming, tubing, and being Grandpa’s fishing buddy or Grandma’s shopping partner. Holidays are a very important part of our time together with family, so the baby will travel to the grandparents’ houses for Christmas dinners and traditions, like watching the lighting of the Christmas Tree on Monument Circle in Indianapolis, or watching “A Christmas Story” multiple times on Christmas Eve.

Hopefully the good times will outweigh the bad, but understand that we will be there for the difficult times that lie ahead with sleepless nights, adolescence, losing games and teen relationships. With an appreciation for education, we will prioritize college and furthering his or her options for the future. Most importantly, we want our son or daughter to appreciate life and nature, family and friends, and we hope to teach these through vacations with family to the mountains of Tennessee, or a backyard cookout, sitting by the fire.

Friends and Family
Our families are very excited and hopeful about us becoming parents, and our niece and nephew are looking forward to becoming cousins and playmates, teaching the baby everything they know. We have a tight-knit group of friends whose support is amazing, and our siblings are ready to be aunts and uncles, excited about what our future holds together as a family.

About Kenny, by Becky
Kenny is the most patient and giving person I know, and I can envision him embracing the role of a father. When I met him, I felt this sense of calm and warmth that I know will be felt by our child. Changing diapers, playing every chance he gets, coaching a sport, or teaching the child to play guitar or creating a hands-on art project are all activities he will happily engage in. Kenny possesses a peaceful understanding of the world around him, seeing the big picture and careful to see the good in people and situations, which he will surely pass on readily. He will be there to hold the child’s hand when they stumble, and will applaud every success. He will be an extraordinary father.

About Becky, by Kenny
Becky is my best friend, and we both knew we'd be together from the day we met. That simple fact is what makes our relationship so perfect and so effortless. Becky has a huge heart - I see it daily in her playfulness and smile and I witness it through her kind, caring nature and hilarious sense of humor. Over the last 10 years, Becky has helped me reach lifelong goals that I could never do alone. Without her love and support I wouldn't be who I am today, and I know that she will always be there for us. She's going to be a great mom. Becky has learned so much about what it takes to be a great mom from being a middle school teacher and an aunt to our nephew and niece. Becky is a wonderful wife and a wonderful person, and I know she is going to be an amazing mom.


Closing
We are excited about being parents and hope we can share the joys with you, because you made this courageous decision. We hope you wish to contact us and can’t wait to hear from you and get to know you. Thank you so much for your strength, and we truly hope we can welcome you and your baby into our lives and learn about your hopes and dreams for the future.

TB Free!

Kenny and I are healthy enough to adopt a baby! Lots of people we talk to comment about how strange and unfair it is that we have to get physicals, background checks, blood work, TB tests, driving records, and fingerprints in order to adopt. I'll be honest and say that it upset us, too, in the beginning. We were complaining about it one day, when one of our friends said it probably would be worse if the agency we went through didn't require all those checks, and he was right. As a result, we've had some great visits with our doctor, who is going through the same thing herself. It's nice that we can sit down and talk about the process with her, and not feel as if we have to mask any of our cynical or frustrating comments. It's difficult still to think about people who have babies really easily and those who aren't in the ideal situation to have babies, reproducing like rabbits, but we are slowly getting better at it. I still don't like hearing about students who are newly pregnant and don't seem to learn from others' mistakes, but if these pregnancies didn't happen then we wouldn't be talking about adopting, I guess. It's been a little hard going back to school and having parents at Open House ask me how many kids I have, but then I just joke and say I couldn't go home to a 13 year-old after spending the day with 100 of them, and they go back to their own concerns. I don't think I'm a worse teacher for not having my own child, but I'm sure some things will change once I do.

We head to a weekend workshop on Friday, and we passed all of our tests, so that means we're of sound mind and body to start this process. Lots of you have asked what is next, so here's some of what we'll learn this weekend:

How to write our Dear Birthmother/Birthparents Letter, which will be the focus of the brochure that we will share with others, and what the agency will take to their outreach locations.
Letter to our Personal Network, which tells us how to inform family and friends of our plans (too late for that).
Outreach Planning Guide- teaches us how to network
Adoption laws for most states
What to Do When a Birthmother Calls- this is our favorite. She could call us directly, and we have to be ready with an intelligent, calm response.
This is in addition to the paperwork we have completed over the last month. We wrote our autobiographies, answered questions about our views of parenting and discipline, and gotten guarantees from our bosses that we will probably be employed in the years to come. It was hard not to sound too teacher-y when I wrote about discipline, but By God, it's all about structure and consistency! Ha- I guess I learned something from Mrs. Holcomb after all!   

We'd like to thank everyone who has shown an interest in what we are doing. Don't be afraid to ask- we enjoy talking about it. We aren't really sure what happens next, but we will update soon. In the meantime, the fast-paced world of the Roosevelt Middle School 7th grade Volleyball B Team is in my future, and Kenny is working on music and artistic projects, so I'm sure we'll have little time to think about a baby. :)

The Redman Recruit

Here we go.

After five years of trying to have our own little blond or bald baby, we've decided to just be parents. Not biological parents, but just parents. We made the decision to adopt a newborn domestically. There have been some pretty sad realizations for us, but this is not the place to talk about sad- we are very happy and excited about our choice and our future. The little kids we have in our lives right now make us laugh so hard sometimes, that we are confident that we can get past not having our own baby and find, easily, reasons to love the one we are matched with.

We knew nothing about adoption, but knew that if we wanted a baby this was the way forward for us. We learned of a few different types of adoption that existed, and one of those types is called open adoption. Open adoption is defined from adoptionhelp.org as: "the birthparents and adoptive parents meeting one another, sharing full identifying information, and having direct access to ongoing contact over the years."

On the surface, this scared the hell out of us! Right away, we both envisioned uncomfortable holidays where we brought some strange dysfunction to the table. Or worse yet, I think there was an image of us having to explain to our child who this lady was who kept showing up and asking for pictures. Fortunately, we went to an information session with the Independent Adoption Center in Indianapolis, where we learned that open adoption is almost the opposite of what we envisioned. Without getting too wordy, open adoption is where the birthmother chooses who will parent her child; we meet and set up parameters for the future and continue communicating after the baby is born. We go to wherever she lives, which could be in any state, and await the birth of our child, and if all goes as planned, we can bring our baby home upon the birthmother's discharge from the hospital. We correspond with the birthmother through pictures, letters, phone calls, e mails, etc., and some visits throughout our child's life, and eventually, in some cases, the birthmother becomes a part of the family. In other situations, the birthmother may be in and out of contact, but we just have to remember that she chose us to parent her child so that she could better herself and her situation, and to better his life. A birthmother may stay in contact for the first few years, and then her life may take her somewhere else.

There are many benefits of being able to know the birthmother, for us as parents, but more importantly, for our child. Our child will always know who his mother is and that she didn't give him up; she gave him a chance at a better future than she could give him. There are advantages to his health as well. If there is a biological history of a health issue, we will know that and can possibly prevent it, or at least be ready for it.

For the parents, open adoption holds a better chance that the birthmother won't be involved in heavy drug abuse or other dangerous situations. If she chooses open adoption, that means she wants to be involved in her child's life, not just cut all ties because she is embarrassed or ashamed of her own situation. We learned at our session that this is what sets apart open adoption from what some people assume adoption to be like. Another important aspect about the benefits of open adoption is that the birthmother is less likely to change her mind upon seeing her baby. She knows who is going to parent her child, and we were told that she will come to really like us and we her. She will be sad when she sees her baby, but after that passes, she should remember that we are going to give him a better life. It's going to be a very heavy time, and who knows how we will all handle it, but we are so comfortable with the choice of open adoption after hearing about the success rate of it. So, that's what we have chosen, and would like to continue to share with you through this blog. If you want to learn more about the agency we've chosen or open adoption itself, please visit their web site: adoptionhelp.org

Our next step is to go to the IAC's weekend intensive program, where we will learn more about the process and begin to set up our web site and letter to prospective birthmothers. Essentially, we will be learning how to market ourselves as parents. We will have to write about each other, our marriage, and why we would be good parents. This could be very hilarious.

Thanks again for being a part of our recruiting process! Commence the comments!